These books are guides to all things trivial

Washington Redskins tackle Shar Pourdanesh wanted a wedding toremember last December. So he and his fiancee, Cherie, flew to LasVegas, rented a car and went to a drive-through chapel.

Unforgettable, all right.

And that's just one of the bits of information to be found amidthe 40-yard-dash times and other vital data in this year's 15 NFCmedia guides, designed to enhance our understanding of pro footballand the men who play it.Where else are you going to learn that Green Bay Packersdefensive tackle Gilbert Brown orders a Double Whopper witheverything, cut in half, extra cheese and no pickles whenever hevisits the Burger King on Oneida Street?Only the media guides tell you that New York Giants widereceiver Thomas Lewis was a child model, that San Francisco 49ersdefensive end Israel Ifeanyi was bowler on his champion high schoolcricket team in Nigeria and that Minnesota Vikings center JeffChristy sponsors a softball team named "The Krustys" for Krusty theClown on "The Simpsons."If nothing else, the guides simply answer obvious questions.Like why Marvcus Patton of the Redskins has a first name that lookslike a typo? Turns out his late father, a Los Angeles cop, simplywanted him to stand out.Then there's the New Orleans Saints' Mercury Hayes. "I lookedup and thought of the planets," the team guide quotes Hayes' mom,JoeAnn, as saying. "Jupiter and Mars - no, not those. Lord, what amI going to name him?"MOVE OVER, BUD: Dave Brown has bought an offseason home in thesame Florida development as Phil Simms, whom he replaced as Giantsquarterback.FLY PATTERN: The Detroit Lions' Keith Washington's firstrecruiting trip as a high school senior was to see UNLV. It wound upbeing his only recruiting trip. He suffered an earache during theflight to Las Vegas and decided he didn't want to fly anywhere else.HE GETS A PASS ON THAT: The Atlanta Falcons' guide points outthat kicker Morten Andersen has been to several Super Bowls. None asa player, of course. Seven as a Danish TV analyst.AMERICA OFFLINE: The Bears' Jim Flanigan maintains his owninternet website at www.jimflanigan.com. The Packers' Robert Brooksmaintains his own website at www.robertbrooks.com. The Saints' DougBrien maintains his own website at www.kicking.com.WHY NOT MARVCUS? Falcons linebacker David Brandon named his sonXzavian.RADIO STATIC: Redskins linebacker Patrise Alexander routinelymakes prank calls to radio stations when his teammates are on-airguests, disguising his voice to ask them idiotic questions.BIG BABY: At birth, the St. Louis Rams' Chuck Osborne weighed 13pounds, 10 ounces, a Los Angeles County-USC Medical Center record.Mom spent 24 hours in labor.YOU RANG? The Giants' Scott Gragg signs his autographs"Lurch."GOOD EXCUSE: Eagles center Steve Everitt missed the 1993 SeniorBowl because his family's home was leveled by Hurricane Andrew.NO BULL: The Rams' Roman Phifer named his son Jordan, afterMichael Jordan.THE EARLY YEARS: In Due Time: The Struggles and Triumphs of JayBarker by Wayne Atcheson is the epic life story of the Panthers'backup quarterback. Barker was 22 when it came out.THE LAST WORD: "My father had a saying," the Falcons' TravisHill says in his bio. " `Moose meat and firewood build athletes.' "